As women, we can be expected to be everything to everyone: a partner, mother, caregiver, employee, business owner, friend and so much more. The cultural norm can put pressure on us to be great at all of these roles and I find that self pressure plays a part for me (Jo) too. Unfortunately, for so many of us, when we do take time for ourselves, we can feel guilty for doing so, as if we are neglecting our other responsibilities. It sounds mad as I write it down on paper, but it’s true for so many of us.

This guilt can be a real barrier for lots of women when it comes to doing things for ourselves. For me that guilt rears it’s ugly head for different things; taking time out from ‘family time’ to go for a swim outdoors, (which is actually free, but the price of the guilt can feel high), spending money on myself on some books or bike kit or being physically absent for work or business ‘stuff’ all feature in the list.

I think we can feel like we are being selfish or neglectful when putting ourselves first. This guilt is often internal, stemming from deeply ingrained societal expectations about what women should and shouldn’t do, or it can be external, coming from partners, family members, or coworkers who question why we are taking time for ourselves.

I think that sadly, part of the reason for this guilt is that women can be judged differently for prioritising their own needs. Men who take time for themselves are often seen as self-assured and confident, whereas women who do the same can be viewed as selfish or thoughtless. This can add another layer of guilt or judgement which then makes it even more difficult for us to prioritise ourselves.

There are loads of other barriers to us making time for ourselves and prioritising ourselves too; time, resources, opportunity and energy levels to name a few. As Jane and I know only too well for ourselves, the biggest barriers are often the ones that are in our minds and can be worked with and removed (or minimised!) to allow us ‘to be us’ and to look after ourselves.

But why is it so important for us to try and work on these barriers and this very real and often intense feeling of guilt? Well for one, science says so! Prioritising ourselves is shown to have a positive impact on women’s mental and physical health. Secondly, it can make us feel calm and more fulfilled in these short lives we are given. Thirdly, it can develop a stronger sense of self-identity outside of our other roles and responsibilities. All great reasons to make some time for ourselves by removing those barriers and guilt.

Jane and I both know that self-care and prioritising ourselves has helped us to lead less ordinary lives. When we get stuck in the habit of fulfilling our various roles and responsibilities, we can lose sight of the things that bring us joy and give us energy. By taking time for ourselves (which is still really hard for both of us to do sometimes!) Jane and I both explore new places, learn new skills, and meet new people, all of which has given us so much more than we had before.

So what can we do to start prioritising ourselves and to remove some of those barriers?

1. Acknowledge that self-care is not selfish. Taking care of our own needs is a basic human right, and it’s something that everyone should prioritise.
2. Surround ourselves with supportive people who encourage us to pursue our passions and prioritise self-care. Radiators, not drains!
3. Try to explore what it is we really want from life – that can be hard when you are in a habit of thinking about others, but there are some great tools out there to help you do this.

Jane and I have both been on this journey, and continue to work on it all of the time, because we know that we only get this one life and we want to live it to the full. We love supporting other women to find out what they really want and then start to live a life less ordinary – it’s one of the things that gives us energy and joy, so we make sure we prioritise that too.